I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
