I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
