i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
