May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
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Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
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Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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