No awkward lesbian experiences without me
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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