She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
