What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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