That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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