She said her name was "party"
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
