youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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