There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
