Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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