We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
