my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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