i barfeds in our rink
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I had to cum in my sink.
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