paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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