you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
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I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
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We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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