is your mom at the bar?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
This house was built for laser tag.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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