I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize