just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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