Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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