Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
