You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm gonna fight the coyote