she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
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is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
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Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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