Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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