Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
the gays at disneyland are vicious
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.