Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
was it more than 30 minutes?
then you're in a relationship
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.