i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain