I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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