Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
