If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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