I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
