Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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