Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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