I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
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What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize