What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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