You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
