did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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