all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She told me I should be a condom model.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
