my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
