At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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