Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize