I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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