At least make sure they are 18
Why
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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