I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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