I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
