I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
