So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
