I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
