I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
