my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
