There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
