More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
