his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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