11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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