she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
