I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
