My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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