I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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