I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
