I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
People in love make me want to vomit
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
