i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
