so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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