it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
