On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
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I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
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My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
false alarm, still single
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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