I CAN MOONWALK!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
