Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
