here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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