Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
