My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?