is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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