so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.