He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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