You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.