i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
