I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Couch. On fire.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
