Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
