Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
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I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
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I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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